Having a marriage with passion and emotional intimacy is essential. But there are 3 keys to a marriage partnership that addresses the other stuff. Perhaps that sounds too sterile for an institution founded from love.
But, here’s the thing. At some point, marriage has complications. Some are simple fixes and others can break the contract. Equality doesn’t look the same for both partners, and playing tit-for-tat is a surefire way to cause friction. Don’t keep score!
Marriage is a bond…but it is also a business partnership
We all know that marriage is a bond, but it is also a business partnership. Think about it! You pay taxes together, own property together and plan your golden years together. Money is the number one reason that marriages fail!
Looking at marriage as a business partnership might sound cold and unromantic. However, if it were another type of partnership, you’d have a business plan to ensure a successful investment.
It isn’t all about money though. There are lots of little irritants that can explode into big issues. Building walls between the two of you hurts everyone and damages the relationship. Rather than ridicule and sarcasm, it is better to reinforce a healthy cycle of give and take, love and support, and communication and respect.
With this in mind, let’s look at three keys to equality in a marriage partnership.
The Give and Take of Flexibility
All strong relationships have some variation of flexibility. This is especially true in marriage. Depending on your current work situation, your spouse might come home late and exhausted each week day just like you. Why would one of you prepare dinner while the other plants-it on the couch! That’s a little thing that becomes a big thing.
Looking at this example from either perspective, what might work better for everyone? If every week day is the same type of crazy or you know you have a busy week coming up, how about doing a meal prep together on Sunday? This is actually something we do at my house. My husband grills dinner plus more, and I wash and store veggies for the week. This translates into hearty chef salads throughout the work week and neither of us carries the burden alone. Regardless, of your preferred foods, there is an option for planning.
Of course, there is always the option of having dinner out one or more nights, but that can be an expensive habit. Any type of planning, heating left-overs or sharing the routine lifts the burden of the other. Showing love and compassion through the daily grind is part of the give and take that keeps the relationship healthy.
Of course, give and take of any type needs to go both ways. But it is not tit-for-tat. Sometimes it is as simple as reversing roles to help the other. If one takes too much from the other, then pretty soon, there might not be anything left to give. This simple meal example translates into everything whether it’s yard work, laundry or running the kids around. What is each person doing to keep the tasks within the daily routine equal?
Be a Support System to Your Partner
When two individuals become one within the institution of marriage, they are still individuals! Visualizing your goals and going after them is essential in the long-term. You, the individual, need to make that happen.
Now, with that said, as a spouse, you should absolutely support and encourage your partner’s aspirations. You have to take partnership in our spouse’s dreams. Letting them know that you support them by doing and helping where needed. The spouse should be the number one cheerleader.
This might be a shift in the primary income. Perhaps, your spouse is unhappy at work and wants to pursue a business passion. See how much things cost, what you need to learn, and what steps you both need to reach that goal. Supporting your partner by creating an actionable goal that you can both live with creates a united front and strong intention.
Being on the same team, so to speak, is healthy but also eliminates the type of ridicule that comes from an unsupportive spouse. The spouse that thinks you are wasting your time with your dream is tearing you down. Having an agreement that it will take two to five years, for example, shows intention with the planning allow with the important questions.
Start by asking questions. Define the dream. Look at what it takes to get there. The timeline. If there is an agreed plan of action, the spouse that takes-on the shift of household earning is part of the dream too; this is key. This spousal support system shows unwavering respect and love.
Marriage Partnerships Have Big Decisions
Respecting individuality is an important part of love. At the same time, however, consulting your spouse before making a big decision is imperative in a marriage partnership.
What’s a big decision? That answer is different for every relationship. It should definitely be discussed before any issues arise. Is there a number amount? Can each person have a discretionary income of $100, $1000 per week? Month? Surely, you don’t want to discuss every cup of coffee. But, what about a new pair of shoes? A new car? Is there a set grocery list? Having a set discretionary spending number gives each of you the independence to make small spending decisions without upsetting the balance.
There is one little thing that gets big and ugly fast. Just to be clear. Discretionary spending is a specified about of cash; it is not using a credit card. Credit cards are a problem for a lot of reasons, but in this context, small spending can become big spending fast. What does that mean? Using plastic is out of sight out of mind and the balance accumulates fast if not paid in full each month. So, all the coffees, shoes and lunches become thousands in debt. Now it’s a big decision.
Life decisions or big decisions are large sums of money. These are often expenditures that you wouldn’t want to be rash about. You know–buyer’s remorse. Making these decisions for the good of the partnership keeps everyone’s interest in the forefront.
Ready to Be a Better Marriage Partner?
With all this being said, marriage is a lot of work. Passion and intimacy fade with the betrayal of trust and respect. Regardless of the role models you grew up with, this is about your partnership not your parents. Communicate and share your pain points. What can you do to be a better partner?
